Wednesday, July 29

Natural makeup

I used to believe in the myths 'kalau pakai makeup dengan sangat kerap nanti hilang seri pengantin' 'jangan pakai makeup nanti muka bla bla bla'

Seri pengantin comes naturally, kalau pakai makeup setiap hari pun you shouldnt be concerned about her at all. Biarlah dia nak tepek apa dekat muka. Every bride memang akan nampak cantik on her big day. Pengantin tetap akan sparkle even ada bridesmaid/pengapit trying to overshadow, she still the prettiest on her wedding day.

The thing is, if you wanna wear makeup just go for it. Jangan dengar cakap orang. And i tak rasa my face after makeup nampak macam drag queen pun. Bagi i less is more. Jangan sampai tabarruj ya remember that

I want my wedding makeup to be so natural. And bcs faisal memang tak suka perempuan with so much makeup. He likes it better when i embrace my beauty and my bare face.

Saturday, July 25

A letter to my bro

Have you ever like sit still and stop the time for a minute or two, and just look around? Look at those people who have been living with you. Your family to be precise.

I had a fight with my brother just now entah apa dia buat he scattered my baju yang baru je lipat kat atas lantai. Bengang tu bengang jugak lah. I membebel macam nenek sebab geram sangat.

Then, i went down stairs cari album lama nak tunjuk faisal gambar i masa toddler dulu. As i turned those pages, sampai lah kat page where my brother punya gambar baby pun tersimpan kat dalam album yang sama bcs i tak banyak gambar masa baby so we shared the same photo album.

Tiba tiba, rasa sebak.

Idk. Because 13 years of living with danial, i can say that i'm not really a good sister for my brother. I selalu rotan dia, cubit peha dia kalau dia degil and boleh kata i layan dia tak berapa baik. Bukan benci. Tapi jengkel.

I didnt realise that as i am getting older my brother pun at the same time growing into a teenager. Masa berjalan cepat sangat. From that little mischievous toddler with that tiny feet, main kejar kejar dalam rumah to a teenage boy who now asked siapa presiden negara sekian sekian dan kat mana terletaknya sekian sekian tempat dalam Rusia. You dont ask me bruh. I dunno. Dulu i main barbie so dia memang paling selalu kacau & sepahkan the whole set.

I just hope when hes older he'll stalk my blog and read this post. I may have scold you, pinch you, call you a nigga or african boy or "mak pungut kau tepi jalan" but you should know that orang sayang kau.

Nanti orang dah kahwin, jaga mak abah elok elok. Tolong mak buat kerja rumah, basuh pinggan, sidai baju semua jangan eat sleep game repeat, orang tunjal dahi kau nanti. Nanti mesti danial rindu nasi goreng cina orang, so datang rumah orang nanti kau request lah eh haha

Friday, July 24

Long distance relationship

Somehow long distance relationship really is hard. At times, I have to convince myself things will get better bcs we both will kahwin sooner or later (insya Allah pray for us kay?) Hence, lepas dah kahwin nanti i'll get to see faisal everyday, every morning, every night and every minute of my existence for my entire life. Sometimes, i have to convince myself that we'll meet again, so we both make plans and usually I yang made all the plans nak pergi mana, nak buat apa, makan dekat mana yada yada. Everytime i akan convince myself that we can go through long distance relationship and we both will get through this test eventually! Tapi kadang I have to tell myself "sabarlah, nanti jumpa jugak" when I see some of my friends upload a pic of them keluar dengan boyfriend, dapat berkualiti time together, dapat spend the day together. Terusik jugalah hati ni nak nak kalau tengah rindu gila.

(At times, when i doubt things, he'll convince me that everything will be okay. He'll secure me with his words so that i rasa elok balik)

But what i do know now,

Those happiness are so temporary sebab bila dapat jumpa pastu dapat spend time lepastu balik rumah masing masing dah tu baru beberapa saat kejap je dah rindu. No! 10 hours takkan pernah cukup ok??????? Tak pernah cukup! This is the longest period of time yang I tak jumpa faisal. Dah hampir dua bulan jugak rasanya not bcs dia tak boleh turun Melaka but my dad wont allow us to go on a date (which i bring my little brother along) during puasa. Its so different than masa diploma dulu. Even two months tak jumpa but we both know start sem baru we get to lepak kat dewan makan berborak like theres no tomorrow. Tapi this time.... we dont know.

So here I am missing him so much each and everyday.

I'm hoping for time to fast forward til the day we both get married and live happily together and forever. May Allah purify our intention and may this difficulties help us grow. Right now I fikir satu je, takpelah if we dont get to meet selalu macam zaman diploma dulu, tuhan sayang sebab tu tuhan jaga kita berdua. Kita repair diri kita dulu, touch up skill yang mana mana perlu.  Marriage is a big thing; bukan untuk buat #relationshipgoals semata mata. Its more than just that.

Thursday, July 16

Improve you to be a better version of You!

So, what are the things you need to do from the moment you wake up until you end your day?

Say Alhamdulillah bcs youve been given the chance to breathe again. You live bcs of Allah, you die bcs of Allah. Give thanks to Allah.

Pray. Pray that its going to be a lot better than yesterday. Pray for a good start of the day and ask Allah to make it easy for you and bless everything you do.

Smile. The moment you wake up, just smile. You smile bcs it will make you look younger, happier and its healthy. Absorb all the positive vibes, and outcast all the negativity. Smile can help you lessen your stress and magically can make you feel calm. Smile to anyone you see on that day and the rest of the days.

Change. If yesterday you were so grumpy try changing yourself slowly, be kind. If you somebody makes you really annoyed or angry, say nothing. Just be silent. Verily those who can control their tongue when they are angry are among the righteous.

Forgive. If someone makes you feel so angry, annoyed and sad, learn to forgive. So as the saying goes let bygones be bygones. Forgive people the same way you want Allah to forgive your sins. Forgive people the same way you want your mother to forgive your wrongdoings. You dont lose your pride forgiving or asking people to forgive you. You gain rewards instead. Be kind. Let all the pasts stay in the past. And start a new one. Ask for apologies and forgive those who has wronged you.

May Allah reward us with good health, a life full of His rahmah, the people who loves us and all the goodness fiddunya walakhirah.

Rabbana aatinafiddunya hasanah, waa fiil akhiratii hasanaah. Wa kiina adzabannaar

Wednesday, July 15

Love yourself hun!

I wanna do some self reflecting and self loving. You can continue reading if youre having the same situation dan kalau bukan pun read or leave, its up to you.

Last night was really stressful that i cried myself to sleep and how faisal couldnt go to bed bcs hes too damn worried about me being how i was yesterday. I hate when i dah mula overthinking that everything seems so wrong, i'm so stupid and ugly and my existence is so useless. I was so insecure and i hate the fact that i gained a few kgs. My confident level just got washed down the drain and everyone else seems to look effortless and then theres me looking like a weird potato.

Heres the thing. Youre not fat! You gained weight. And its only 1.5kg from 70kg. Youre not fat and you should have the courage to say it infront of the mirror. You should feel pretty inside and out. And its not the matter of being perasan cantik yada yada but if being perasan cantik can help you boost up your confidence. Go and talk to urself depan cermin "ko cantik, Tuhan yang cipta ko tau? Kenapa hina diri sendiri ni!"

Fret not, after raya nanti kan youre gonna start your gym routine balik? Your body needs rest. Your body pun tahu letih sebab tu taknak turun dah below 70kg. Lu rilek lepas raya lu workout je. Ada lagi a few months before graduation day. And for raya.... well um if you look so damn large dalam gambar tell urself that its completely okay! Bcs bila you reach your goal nanti you boleh compare urself now and then. I know im right dont debate! *pointing finger at myself*

You see, even you dont like your physical now, faisal will always and still loves you anyway! I really dont know how he puts up with my insecurities everytime i rasa insecure. His continuous supports gonna help me reach my goal someday. Sayang, thank you tau? I know youre going to read this (bcs i told you so bahaha)

Love yourself. Talk to yourself often and just be yourself. You dont have to copy someone to be someone? Get what i'm saying????? 

And if someone copies you then you should know youre above them. Just dont stop. Be confident in whatever you do! Be crazy, laugh your heart out and dont make fun of your body. Bcs in the end, that'll turn into-- you overthinking everything and youre hurting yourself lah so thats a big no no!

Set up goals (u see,tumblr is good u know u boleh berangan kejap and mana tahu some of the pics can help u change ur life innit?), everytime you wake up please please please smile so all the positivity goes to you and think of all the small things God has given you throughout your 22 years of living. Jangan give up! Dont slouch sit straight up and be confident with your own skin. What youre thinking is what you should and would wanna be!

Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself. Because youre worth it. And dont let anyone tell you differently. Ok? Now cheer up and breathe fresh air!

Sincerely, your positive mind

Sunday, July 12

25th of Ramadhan

Recite this Dua on the 25th of Ramadhan

Ya Allah, bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad The (One) who made,the night a covering and the day for seeking livelihood, and the earth a resting place, and the mountains as pegs. Ya Allah, (the) Subduer, Ya Allah, (the) Most Powerful. Ya Allah, the All­-Hearing. Ya Allah, (One who is) Near. Ya Allah, (the One) who answers.

Ya Allah, ya Allah, ya Allah, You have the most beautiful names the highest examples, the grandeur, the bounties.

I beseech You to bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad, and place my name, in this night, among the fortunate, and my soul among the martyrs, let my good deeds be (written) in the ‘Illiyyin (Book of the virtuous), and my evil deeds be forgiven.

(And I beseech You to) grant me a certainty which gives joy to my heart, and a faith which drives doubt away from me, and make me pleased with what You have granted me.

(And I beseech You to) give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and save us from the punishment of the burning fire. (And I beseech You to) grant me in it (Laylatul Qadr)

Your remembrance, and Your gratitude, and desire for (pleasing) You, turning (to You for repentance), and success, for all that You have granted Muhammad and his family, peace be on him and on them ” – ❤

Saturday, July 11

I'm a wanderlust

When I say I want to travel I don’t mean I want to stay at resorts and go on tours with tour guides. I don’t want to be a tourist. When I say I want to travel I mean I want to explore another country and become a part of it.

I want to try new things, meet new people, explore new cultures, learn new traditions and breathe in the air of somewhere no one knows my name. I just want to get in the car and drive with no destination or plans. I want to walk on beaches in Fiji, Thailand, Australia and go cliff diving in Hawaii and Jamaica.

I want my mind to be in constant awe of life on earth. I want to see things with new eyes. I want to look at a map and be able to remember how I was transformed by the places I’ve been to, the things I’ve seen, and the people I’ve met.

I discovered that the things that made me happy were not things that would ever make me rich. I want to come home and realize that I have not come home whole, but have left a piece of my heart in each place I have been.

Home will always stay the same, but something in our minds will change, and that changes everything. I want to live and not just survive.”

– Veronica. S (viaunderthexsamexsky)

Thursday, July 9

Reflect

The remarkable thing about enduring distressing circumstances is that they truly feel as though they’re never going to pass. Even as Muslims being given the guarantee that “Verily, with every hardship comes ease” (Quran 94:6) stressful eras tend to shake our faith.
Often we do our utmost to be as tolerant as possible, but feeling down in the dumps has the tendency to drag our patience levels down with us.

Nonetheless, it’s inevitable; there will be bumps in the road ahead. Some will be steeper than others, but that’s absolutely no reason to let yourself fall. There will come days in your life where waking up seems meaningless.

Things around you which typically enliven or make you feel joyful will cease to do so, and absolutely nothing can bring light to the darkness which has set into stone in your chest. These are the darkest, poignant and most lonesome times you as an individual may go through. And you’ll start to question, “why do good things have to end?”. We question the “ending” in life frequently, but what we aren’t grasping is the fact that the same “ending” which you curse, is the same “ending” which will bring you relief. You don’t dwell in a lifetime of pain and anguish because those tears won’t last. You can only shed so many tears for the same reason for so long, before they become drops of a different sadness or happiness. You don’t go through the same distress every single day because every single day is different.

Sure, the good times pass; the people leave; the success expires; the youth fades, but just as all good things in life end, so do all terrible things in life. Sickness gets cured; hard work results in reward; arguments get resolved; grieving over death eases; emotions change.

So we need to cultivate a respect for the “ending” of situations in life which we never realized to appreciate. Your laughter may not last, but be grateful that neither will your tears.

You may be a wreck today, but are you going to feel this way every single day in the next three years? Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed us with the time capacity of all things in this life.

Written by allahaljalil.tumblr.com

Wednesday, July 8

New breath

I wanna start a new life surrounded by positivity and i wanna avoid negativity
I pledge to not post anything negative and offensive
I wanna live my life to the fullest!
And i always wanna be optimistic and redha to what ever coming in my way
I wanna start all over and be a better version of me inside and out

Forever and always

I wanna travel the world with my husband
Capture all the moment by the beach as the sun sets and turns red
I wanna breathe in fresh air on top of the hill after a long night of mountain trekking
Putting my head onto his chest while we cuddle in blanket in front of campfire
I wanna hold his hands while i amusingly walking and running like a little baby as we enter Disneyland
I wanna skydive,
Go up on a hot air balloon ride
Paragliding
And snorkeling where the water is crystal clear
I wanna run into his arms at Lavenders farm
And i wanna grab onto him when we’re inside the cable car
I wanna pluck apples from trees
We should play hide and seek, you hide and i’ll find you because my heart knows where you’ll be
I want you to lift me up so that i can reach the sky up high
I wanna celebrate our anniversary by watching romantic movies or just dance to the melody of a love song
I wanna fly with you, be in a plane looking out of the window as the clouds are beneath us
I wanna love you forever
I wanna be with you forever
I wanna live with you
Me and you, in this world and afterlife together
To infinity and beyond

Sunday, July 5

Overly attached

It triggers me to write about this person's tweet. I dont know it just something that i had in mind and i wanna let it out. You may agree or disagree or dont read at all.

Ok recently i read a tweet and the tweet kinda look like this; "Aku tak respect perempuan yang terlalu taksub dengan teman lelaki. Kahwin pun belum dah heboh satu dunia. Malulah sikit"
First of all i am that kind of gurl you been tweeting about. As the saying goes siapa makan cili terasa pedas nya. Memang tbh terasa jugak if it wasnt for me pun tempias terkena sikit. But! Its a good thing this person tweeted on this issue so i know lah what she think of the people yang overly attached macam i ni.

I am overly attached i wont deny it. Tbh, i appreciate my boyfriend's existence and the best part of all, he has split personality. His friends nampak dia ni jenis introvert, tak selalu senyum, nampak macam ada masalah, selalu berkerut etc etc. Yup i heard alot from people some even cakap hes sombong and all. His family nampak dia jenis can be count on and a great brother to mingle with. And i nampak hes going to be a very good and responsible husband. Bila orang cakap dia tak senyum bila terserempak thats when people should know dia memang macamtu. But when hes with me, hes a different person. Totally different person. He talks a lot like a little child. Hes active, cheerful and sometimes he dances when i asked him to dance while we were on the road listening to the radio.

And i always want to write about him because hes like a book and not an open one. Hes like a diary to be precise. Hes unpredictable sometimes and is so kind hearted. He appreciates his blood bros and the love he has for his mother and his siblings is beyond words. He never calls me with any insulting names memang tak pernah call me gemuk ke lengan macam ikan paus ke eyebag macam kantung kangaroo ke. Nope, nada. Tak pernah. I was the one yang suka insecure dengan my whole features but he'll convince me that im not like that. Dia jarang marah i but when he does im in a big trouble. Not once, dia reject my calls or leaving my text unreplied. Satu hari je bila dia tak check on me pun i dah menggelabah rindu (macam kes takde line masa dia dekat Pulau Perhentian haritu)

I admit that i memang overly attached or can i say that i obsess dengan my boyfriend. And i believe thats none of anyone's business to be concerned about. Its not like im obsessed with someone else's husband or boyfriend kan? And yes i belum kahwin, i belum ada apa apa hubungan dengan dia then the cliche part when people cakap "bukan main heboh kat orang pasal boyfriend dia tu. Konon sweet sangat lah macam dia sorang ada boyfriend, kang tup tup tak jadi. Buat malu je" 

Damn gurl.... you been growin hatred in ur heart. cmon boleh kan doa untuk we both murah rezeki, kahwin awal, dipermudahkan jalan and all those stuffs. Your saliva wont cost a penny pun if you doa for other people's happiness. If my conversation on timeline bothers you, might just block me or mute ke if that'll make you happier then just do it. Its not the matter of putuskan silaturahim for god sake dont be that narrow. Unfollow orang doesnt mean you putuskan silaturahim. Yalah, if you tak suka then why bother baca then comes one statement "tak ingin nak baca, dah keluar timeline terbaca pulak" thats why theres a mute button awak. Mute je, habis cerita. I mute and block people a lot srsly. Taksub ke tak taksub ke thats my problem and thats just me. Serious if you rimas then you may unfollow no kidding no hard feelings.

Please, doakan. Jangan lah hina just because we sin differently than you sebab you tak ada boyfriend. Me and him sendiri tak suka bercinta lama lama. And we acknowledge the fact there shouldnt be no love before marriage, kena jaga ikhtilaat and having a boyfriend is haraam. But in case youre wondering we only met once in a month and my younger brother will teman every we go. My dad has been taking care of me. I may have complaint about why my parents are strict im 22, people of my age boleh je suka hati keluar dengan bf yada yada but hes my dad and he knows the fact that when two person went out together syaitan will be joining the party. Ya Allah im thankful. Right now i rasa nak menangis having to think of the sins ive been doing and giving freely to my dad :'(

Please, i mintak doakan that we both akan kahwin one day, takda masalah dan dipanjangkan jodoh sampai bila bila

We have future plans, next year or two years ahead that depends. There are alot of aspects need to be taken into consideration. Financially, emotionally and our readiness to uphold these responsibilities. We dont have to tell people about what our plans are sebab god will decide whats best and whats not. Lambat atau cepat kahwin, we solely depend on Allah. Jangan lah doakan we both break up takut takut nanti benda tu terpalit kena awak pulak.

Doakan yang baik baik tau, i cannot repay ur kind duas but insya Allah, Allah Swt knows what lies in your heart and you will be rewarded for ur kindness. Thankyou for reading xx