Sunday, June 28

Baby love

Knowing every pieces of you makes me realize that all those pieces are meant to complete me. Knowing how strong and fragile you can be at times and knowing that i want to be there for you when your skies are grey. To the most hardworking man i have ever met, who is willing to do just about everything in order to keep me smile. 

Youre the one who knows that i'll get annoyed easily when im hungry. Youre the one who will be there to help me choose baju yang i confuse mana satu nak beli. Youre the one who jaga my aurat, who will ask me to betulkan tudung sebab nampak rambut and who wont let me buy baju yang fitted to body. You sacrifice a lot and you have done so many things for me. One time my white long sleeve shirt terkena cili and im uncomfortable pastu menyampah tengok kesan cili tu, you drove me off to bundle bcs ive been complaining about how i nampak selekeh bila cili terkena baju apa semua you dont nag, you baik sangat.

You bring me to places that ive been putting down on my list and you always belanja me and my annoying brother that sometimes i rasa uneasy. But you said it was okay, is it? Youve been working til midnight, driving from semenyih/kuala selangor to shah alam and please know that i dont like it when you text me while driving. Bahaya tau? I nak kawin dengan you tau? I told you once kalau i tak kahwin dengan you, i wont marry anyone

Youre a gentleman you always hold the doors for me. Bila makanan you dah sampai, you tunggu makanan i sampai sejuk. Bila makanan i pulak sampai dulu, you suruh i makan takpayah tunggu you. Kadang i lapar gila i akan terus makan but at times i degil nak tunggu jugak, makan sama sama. Every night you akan bacakan i doa tidur, every morning bila you bangun dulu mesti wajib you akan bagi i good morning text. Not once, you terlupa :') i'm always the first in your head ya sayang? And paling i suka bila i request lagu and you akan mainkan gitar kadang i sing along kalau i tahu. And now you have been saving money for us, for our future. Insya Allah i'll be helping you too soon bila i dah dapat kerja tau? Sayang, please never leave me okay? Promise you'll stay?

I promise i'll practice more on being a good and loyal wife of yours and a mother to your child.

I love you sayang, my hardworking man

Friday, June 26

Quality over quantity?

I'm that kind of friend who will try my hardest to help my friends especially when they need my shoulders to cry ke when they need my advice ke atau if they need help when it comes to checking their grammar mistakes untuk assignment ke atau anything lah i shouldnt state here kang kata riak pulak. So i hereby saying that, as long as i can help you, i'll help

I have (or can i say 'had'?) this one friend, bfr this we both had an argument over something pastu i blocked her bcs that was the only way that i can do to make me feel better and to avoid more tak puas hati feelings ke apa kan. But then one day, i unblocked dia balik and tried to ask her if she could forgive me for all my wrongdoings. Mula mula dia kata dia tak ambil pusing apa apa, i was so glad to know that at first but later she asked "why all of the sudden?" So i told her that i sincerely want us to be okay again and no issue between us dah. Plus waktu tu i told her i wanted to change since Ramadhan was just around the corner

Sadly, she refused to believe me when she posted something pasal my intention. Padahal my intention was good. After mintak maaf i tried to make conversation lah kan to elak the awkwardness. I asked her about her being a replacement teacher. I tanya lah how she applied for cikgu ganti, macam mana gaji and did she choose the school by herself atau dapat sekolah tu randomly ke apa, the questions were basic bcs to me, tak ada salah nya tanya nasihat? It was really sad to read her replies when dia cakap "kau pergi lah sendiri tanya kat sana. Mak bapak aku pun tak tolong. Aku pergi sendiri je" 

Eversince then i dont talk to her dah. Little did i know it was a big issue for her bcs later her friend pulak out of nowhere cari pasal. Ended up, everything went down the drain and i explained every little details and whats worse was when she twisted the whole thing as if i mintak maaf tu semata-mata nak tanya pasal cikgu ganti padahal dah explain? Dont matter, ive been knowing her since school and that was her perangai all along. Tak pernah berubah rupanya.

This post wasnt meant to tell everyone how bad she was or how bad she treated me, but what im trying to tell is that;

1. If someone ask for your forgiveness, forgive them. Dont go around telling people they are not sincere and its not genuine ke apa bcs we dont know what lies in their heart kan?

2. If you already ask someone to forgive you and they didnt do the same in return, biarkan. Youve done your part

3. When someone plays victim so people would be on their side, biarkan. The truth will be told one day

4. When someone said they dont stalk/talk about you, but the fact that you know the truth, just let them be

5. If someone ask for your help, help them without terms & conditions. Bcs you will never know kalau misal kata one day you got into trouble then nobody was there to help, seriously when you help someone, God will ease your way

6. Bila takde mood atau penat pastu orang mintak tolong padahal they all boleh buat sendiri, try to help them as sincere as you can (still struggling on this point right here)

7. If someone needs your help especially on the things youre good at, try not to be harsh on them macam 'ni pun tak reti buat ke?' 'benda senang je kot' bcs thats the whole point. Kalau orang tu tahu, dia tak mintak tolong :)

8. Dont throw away your old friends, just bcs you make new friends kat tempat baru. And dont blame your old friends if they dont tegur you when they see you kat luar ke kat mall ke

9. Maybe its true that some would choose quality over quantity but i believe in kindness. If youre kind to others and sayang every each of your friends, you would wanna keep all of them so you could meet them in Jannah

And last but not least,
10. In the end, if your friend brings no good to you or when asik lah ada issue, i believe that we should let these kind of people go. At the end of the day, no one gets hurt and everyone can live their life happily

Anyway, if i have ever wronged you, hurt your feelings or threw harsh words at you please do forgive me and let me know what i did wrong. The truths may hurt, but lies are even worse. Have a great life ahead. May we all meet in Jannatul Firdaws one day! Aameen xx

Tuesday, June 2

Its just something that i had in mind

Have you ever felt like being intimidated by yourself bcs of your own flaws? I remember when my life was a total wrecked bcs i was considered as overweight. I hate putting on jeans and i don't really like to wear long sleeves. The moment i thought i need to change and transform myself was when our family went to Sabah and i dont even have anything proper to wear. Until today masih regret bcs i dont have any decent pictures in Sabah bcs of how i looked then. I got so insecure and not to mention how often faisal had to listen to me rambling abt my weight, how my arms were flabby and how obvious my double chin was. 

Ever since i first started going to the gym, my parents and faisal have been given me continuous supports. Some of my friends told me that i look different than i was before and what makes me happier, ive been skipping gym for almost 2 weeks plus (but still went for jogs) and my weight hasnt change at all. I trust my journey and i'll work harder to regain back my confidence that was once gone. I'll be a brand new person and hoping the old giggly, fun and at the same time annoying Adawiyah will still remain the same