Sunday, December 29

well its almost new year,

I pray that the Lord makes me more obedient, that He transforms me by renewing my mind, that He creates in me a clean heart and renews a right spirit in me, that He washes me whiter than snow, that He purges me of my mess, that He grants me more wisdom, that He increases my faith and tosses my doubts. And I pray for more peace, more patience, more temperance and more understandings.

For this upcoming new year, I just wan't to live my life happily. No stress, no depress and less drama.

I don't have to ask for 2014 to be nice, because I believe my life is beautifully planned. Everything is in God's hands and i'll take whatever He gives, face every hardships He put me through positively, appreciate the people around me and be more forgiving!

That's all i'm asking for :''')


Hi abiang, tolong lekas gemuk!

Saturday, December 28

Appreciating You #2

If anyone asks me 'what's your dream?' I'd say there are countless of them but one of my dreams is to marry the person I love and I'll straight away point my finger at him without a doubt.

I lost my interest to fall in love again after so many heart breaks I've been put into but he made me fell for him every single day. It only takes a simple 'good morning' text or a call. I know he thought of me the minute he wakes up if he does that.

He never leaves my side, never neglects me. Always putting up with me and every behaviors of mine.

Whenever I'm with him, I am me. And he knows all my flaws, how loud I burped, how I cried til my nose runs, how I got mad and pissed, how ugly my laugh is because when I laugh trust me I sound weird. You could say I sound like a choking Hyena or even worse.

Since the day you came into my life again, I learned how to see this life with a clearer view and everyday with you is a learning process. I learned about your dislikes and likes. Your family secrets and sorts. And we always have our inside jokes which none of the people around us would understand.

I never had a guy best friend who understands me so well. but hey, nobody's perfect. We do have fights and arguments. The best part of all, we never fought for days or months. He's the sweetest thing and he always forgives. I am very thankful for this, for this opportunity of being his. And I'd be happier to be his lawfully wedded wife in near future.

I don't have to remind him how much I love him. He knows best.

We're aiming for one thing now. Kindly make du'as for us to go on our next step! Thank you and may Allah bless us muslims and muslimahs! xxx

Friday, December 27

Appreciating You

People will only learn how to appreciate when the people they've taken for granted are gone. Ever been in that kind of situation where you felt like you've got paid for your past mistakes?

(this is going to be a very long post, bare with me will you? and sorry for any grammatical errors ahaks)

Here's how my story goes, I had a guy best friend. The first time he talked to me was on Facebook. We talked (chat) for hours. I could still recall some of the things that we talked about on that night.

Well, I liked him a lot, and I know he did too. He told me that he needed time and space until his heart is fully recovered. I gave him what he needed until one day I met my 6 year old crush (the same guy who made me felt awful)

I ditched my best friend just to get to him and yes, that was one of my foolish mistakes. Although he was in such pain, he never failed to helped me (taught me Maths) throughout my first semester. Even though I hurt his feelings, he never refused to help. And i remember receiving a piece of folded paper. Well, he wrote a poem, telling how much he valued this friendship of ours.

I've seen him walking by me with a sad face, couple of times while in the examination hall. I was too scared to approach him out of guilt. I supposed he didnt even noticed that I was looking. As days passed, final examinations were officially over, and at that moment of time, I took my path, and he took his. We go on our separate ways.

On semester break, i had an issue of heart breaks. I was in distressed and felt like my life was a total messed up. I got stabbed on the heart by someone I love once. I didn't know where did I went wrong. The 'guy' left me hanging for no apparent reason and without any explanation (but hey i moved on, well, this is just like recalling my past)

Because of those pain this 'guy' put me through, I became heartless.

I held on for so long. Holding my tears from coming out even though it was killing me inside. I couldn't bare those problems on my own so I called him (my best friend) up. I could still remember some of the advice and how his tone of voice sounded like.

"buat apa nak dekat dia lagi. dia buang you macam ni. kalau i kenal dia boleh i slowtalk dengan dia, tapi kenal dia pun tak."

I never met a guy who would waste his time listening to a girl who cried like a baby (well, the same girl who broke his heart back then) he could have just rejected my calls but he refused to do so because i was a friend of his.

Since that day, there was no sign of him. He disappeared, out of the blue.

At this point of my life, I made a promise to myself, I will not fall for anyone. I was so sick and tired of all the love-drama. My heart could not accept anybody who stumbled on my life. I rejected each and every one of them, pushing and made them go away. Some of the guys said they would wait for me until i was fully recovered but none of them kept their promise. And none of them stayed. Maybe I've been hard on them. They got bored, explained why everybody left my side.

I'm used to being alone then, adapting the situation of being free and single. Until one day, I received a very familiar phone call and surprisingly it was him. All of the sudden. I could still remember the song of the ringtone in my head and how my facial expression went like the moment I saw his name on my phone screen.

"if you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea. i sail the world to find you. and if you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see. i'll be the light to guide you. find out what we're made of, when we are called to help our friend in need. you can count on me like 1, 2, 3. i'll be there." and this was his specialized ringtone i made while we were friends.

I was speechless, I didn't know how to put all the words in a sentence because I was too happy!
"Well you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go"
He came back. I have wasted my time being with the wrong ones to realize that the right guy is just there, standing in front of me. Loving me the way I am, loving my flaws and imperfections :'')

I believed that this storyline written by God, is perfect.

God taught me a valuable lesson by which He wanted me to learn on how to appreciate. Appreciate the people who never had taken me for granted.

I admit, I left scars on people's heart and this is what I get in return. I learned my lesson.

"Never leave the person who loves you, for the person you like. because the person you like, will leave you for the person he loves." 
"If you love someone let him go, if he comes back to you, he's meant to be yours"

Couldn't agree more on this zaman sekolah quote.

Despite the fact that I learned my lesson, I have my life back. I fell in love with the most loving, forgiving and subtle kind of person -- each and everyday of my life.

And i'm looking forward on that day when all my dreams will finally come true, waking up in the morning seeing me next to you.

I love you to the moon and back sayang, Faisal Hadi bin Abdul Aziz; my love for you is as deep and wide as the ocean (eceh eceh) And as long as I can breathe I will always love you endlessly. Thank you for this roller coaster ride kind of friendship and thank you for putting up with me, stand by my side for almost two years now :')

Shall we make this love last forever? If you're in, i'm in!

p/s: kadang ujian  yang datang bertalu itu mungkin teguran dari Tuhan, mungkin aja mahu diberi pengajaran. Tuhan takkan pernah uji lebih dari kemampuan kita. ujian membina, bukan menyiksa. dan disetiap kehilangan pasti akan ada pengganti yang lebih baik. itu janji-Nya.

Sunday, December 22

that kind of man

"I have been married for 20 years, but i still carry my wife's picture in my wallet. whenever i face difficulties in life, i take out my wallet and stare at her picture. and it comforts me knowing that, if i survived being married to this psycho. i can survive anything." - husband